Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Being Animal....

Why is that, we tend to compare an unsocial and uncivilized human behaviour akin to the wild animal?

Salman Khan may have popularized 'Being Human' catchphrase and he may be laughing all the way to bank by the fat royalties his cool T-shirt overnight sensation have earned him.  Still, I don't expect him to be rational with his words, since I know what's he is upto, thanks to his recent 100-crore hit!

But why do we think animals as the quintessence vigorous and volatile manners when one can find similar, or at times, even higher degree of furious and vicious temperament behaviours, that even wildest of animals don’t exhibit, in humans, then why do we need to refer to poor animals for every unmanly deed we see?

In my perception, animals are far more developed and advanced than we could ever be. How?

A vixen (female jackal), never ever teaches her newborn how to survive, for the record most of the hunting carnivore species in the animal kingdom do the same to their cute newborns. It’s like natural instinct to these infants that enables them to manage, adapt and survive in most fearsome of the environments full of foes and predators waiting for the right moment to drop by.

A calf (baby elephant) never gets to learn the excellent sensory nerves of her mother by help of which she can sense impending danger miles away.

Anaconda forgets right after giving birth to their children and they too wander off in the wilderness even without getting to know who brought them into this world! Can a normal human imagine being on the receiving end of such a start?

The hunting instincts of cheetah, the fearsome authoritativeness of lion and intimidating presence of a tigress, these are all derived…naturally! Although many wildlife shows airing on Discovery/Nat Geo do tells us that a leopard teaching her cub the art of hunting, however in reality, she’s just laying down the premises of what we call real life training that too at nascent age of 1-2 years.

The intelligence level of an average chimpanzee is same throughout the hierarchy of his descendants or his antecedents. No one is less or more intelligent, all are equal, as a result you might have never heard about animal suicides.

There are no caste/creed based feuds in between them.

Humans got themselves weapons of all kind for their protection but these animals have their instincts as their prime shield.


Just because we can invent things (animals can as well) and are living in a world where we are the deciders what next shall occur and who shall have the authoritative command, doesn’t means we are superior in any form to animalistic kingdom.

Being human is so passé..., my next T-Shirt phrase…BEING ANIMAL!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Rains and me...

Dear Rain Gods,

As a child I used to wait for you for taking my paper boat into some unknown territories even if it was destined for cesspool, I always hoped for a deserted island in middle of an ocean, silly! 

As a tween, I hoped for you to come and embellish my school-off time because there was no way otherwise we could play in rains, be it cricket or football.

By the time I turned a Teen, my comprehension regarding you started getting wider and more logic oriented, compared to random and abrupt in childhood. I started avoiding getting out in rains until unless required.

I passed out of school, saw my dreams related to you were merely lustful ruminations of my own silly mind. Traffic snarls, road blocks, older homes getting ravaged, your literal definition started becoming clear to me, yet I was in awe for you.

Then the time came that without rain suits, I went office literally drenched with more water than in Vasant Kunj's pipelines multiple times. I started avoiding you a lot more, infact I started ignoring you and praying that may get your timing get well. 

3 days ago, you ruined my 25K+ phone (adjusted for inflation from 2009 :p) and today you didn't let me go to office...and wasted huge chunk of my monthly take home salary.

And now when I have bought a 800/- rain suit, I know you are done with your quota for this year, thanks to Murphy’s law.
So what was the culprit? Timing!

Wrong place at wrong times is the first faltering step of any crumbling relationship which anyone should forsee to avoid dejection in the end.

Thank you for giving me first hand definition of how relationships start, go on bumpy rides, finally one of the either stumbles off and ultimately they end.

You and me can still go together because like me you don't nag, complain or crib.
Typical God....

Thursday, 21 June 2012

To all forum administrators

Seems that smart and intelligent administrators of various online forums are losing their share of grey cells pretty fast and because of them normal users are suffering. Following is the lists of suggestions as I gathered in one place after talking to many banned or 'about to be banned' members.....

  • Just that your forum started earning you few bucks and now you can proudly tell your friends who have been well settled 5-6 years before you, much to your parent's disappointment, that you finally started earning something, doesn't means that you're going to be next Mark Zuckerberg and respect will come naturally flying to you or you just acquired  5% share of whole Internet and by no means it grants you any right to be prejudiced. Humility is the key..
  • Just that somebody spits in your face for the deed where you stand wrong, you have no right to bark back at them and have to accept your folly rather than banning every person that nitpicks your shortcomes. However if you still do this, there's a word specifically made for people like you - douchebag! 
  • Just that you administer a forum, doesn't makes you unique and snazzier considering there are thousands and literally ten thousands of different forums present across the internet and their content being another thousand times better than yours. 
  • Just because you sit at your saggy asses at home or go to offices (ultimately performing almost zilch amount of work, cause you also have to administer your forum thus beating the shit out of the overall productivity and making your organization cripple!) doesn't gives you any morale right to be respected because people think you're a good time manager.People will only respect you when you're or your team is nice to them or when they know you through your forum, otherwise why will they even pay flying rats to who you are and what you do, they hardly know you?
  • Just because you love a brand and can go gaga all over it over the internet, your favourite brand isn't going to pay you shit for your  quality ass-licking, its of no use fighting a brand war with someone who is as rare as a medallion holder in Indian government's cabinet! Infact at your own forum, you have to be selfless and honest without being a god damn fanboy (even if you love a brand more, you are supposed not to show your feelings and affinity towards it - Imagine a politician telling masses that he likes China instead of India..!) and getting irked everytime someone differs from your opinion and consequently adding the excuses onto the list, "why I should ban him". 
  • Just because you've continued running a website since long, doesn't necessarily guarantees a career in forum administration thorugh which your children or your generations can be fed well. Imagine your children telling their friends, my father sits at home and does nothing still our school fees gets deposited well on time! Find a respected job somewhere and assign the administering task to moderators, no need to sit at home on the premise of 'forum needs me'. In the virtual world, no one needs you they can very well do without you! 
  • Just because you happen to be the administrator of a forum which is of elephantine proportions, don't expect each of your threads, comments to garner 'oh-so-awesome' responses. I have seen many narrow minded administrators who have banned members just because they didn't like his 'photography attempts which were as flat as witche's tits and pretentious to say the least' and said it on his face. 
  • Because you are an adminstrator and have assigned few mods who are free like a bumble bee without any tab on their wordings and language they use on the pretext of "you can't match my sheer awesomeness", tell them to be in limits or else drop the hammer on them. Being mods doesn't necessarily gives the right to get the prejudice favoured of someone just because a mod is backing him. 

These tips might come in handy for a forum administrator who has just realized that he can spent 2% more as told by adwords representatives, "Shit fella your earning just went up by 2%!!" or if this post irks few of the adminstrators reading it, I invite them with their ideas written on a paper because it would be easier for me to tell them where to stick their valuable insights!  

PS: Where is your sense of humour? 

PPS: Why am I even writing this? 

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Bye Bye Bhen Ji...You Sucked hard though!

Mayawati, may you rot in hell.
Your statues may be piss stations for urchins
Your parks may bear the wrath have right mental morality of SP who ought to develop hospitals in places of some ugly looking politicians.
Your wealth, amassed in uncalled for ways, for the misdeed you’ve done to UP, you may be prosecuted in all ways possible accusation ranging from NRHM to 4000% growth in your wealth since last elections.
May at last Tihar jail’s cell, closest in proximity to toilet where Kanimozhi & Raja together used to answer some calls, be occupied by you.
You did nothing but to build fancy looking but shallow colonies in the name of some unheard Dalit Neta and Kanshiram but guess what Dalits still hate you as much as I do when I see you smile with that ugliest chin ever…
I have no expectation from Mulayam either, but I am happy that you departed afterall witnessing an unmarried woman amongst so many cunning mens surely makes a moralistic person like me to doubt, how many of them have seen the artistics painting in the ceiling of your bedroom.

I guess Satish Chandra Mishra, would translate this blog for you or you can hire a English to Hindi translator for around Rs. 90000/month(for persons who took education from an education board whose director was recently arrested on account of corruption charges!!!!).

You suck! Badly, many confirmed it…

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Facebook/Google Ban in India - An Open Letter

Honorable Supreme Court of India,

With all due respect to the law house of Indian Democracy and with utmost respect I wish to bring to your kind notice about a blown out of proportion felony going on currently.

Hon’able Delhi high court has recently implicated legal proceedings on Facebook and Google on account of objectionable contents on India, its religions and above all its politicians and their mockery, which started all this furor.

My Lord, I want to ask few questions:

1.       In this high era of rickety temperament, lousy self-control, Aggressive OCDs, road-rages, aren’t we going too far with the statement of banning the social media networks. And for whom this movement has been started, because in past few hot shots politicians were mocked, spoofed on the internet just for the kicks, so that a few humor adrenaline shots could be imparted to folks out there, whose confidence level is at all-time low, thanks to the recession, paucity of jobs and worst their hard earned money flowing down the drain to corrupt politicians, whose fate, luck is on all-time high, as they are still unscathed. And our parliament comprises of 90% of politicians who are a touchy lot, their sense of humor is something unheard of, I wonder most of them even understand what sense of humor is called? And to make things obscure, they chose religions, and its gods, goddesses just to make sure that the trumpet blown is distantly heard and some radical communal groups have too jumped in just to make sure that these politicians don’t get mocked, no matter what happens to gods, they stay affected or not.  

I mean, is this democracy? Where few politicians decide what would be banned and what will stay no matter what the democracy’s views are, and law-houses support them indiscriminately? Why don’t they go and crush Khajuraho temples, known for their eroticism that too, is in a way what we call, objectionable.

Going this way one day, we will find ourselves with absolutely no television comedy acts, as they rigorously spoof politicians. Mockery of religious sentiments, gods, goddess is in certain way objectionable but there needs to be a strong cross checking on such contents. I don’t see these politicians making such an issue when some designer in Australia imprints Goddess Lakshmi on their high-end footwears’ range? And if a mockery is performed in lighter node, can’t they learn to handle it with humorous valor rather than crying rivers for it or proxy-whining in the name of insult of Gods like their counter parts in US or other countries. We should not try to copy China by doing exactly what they’ve done. We can’t never be China neither we want to be China.

2.       Facebook, Google employ many people, almost equal to what our Honorable courts do. Not only that, they do it quite fair and square, in an open and transparent process. Not that I am saying in courts it’s a different story, but then apprehension is always there, thanks to the bureaucracy ruling the nation. Now coming to point, through the means of their social-networking sites, they tend to be the blooming platform for small time business makers who can’t afford high-profile advertisements and there have been numerous success stories on Facebook, Google, Twitter where a small time business owner changed the perception of the industry (Kent, Microtek, Flipkart many more!) without paying for fancy ads. 

Since now this thing has come to ban the platform, you are literally preparing the platform for mass suicides of many such professionals, who would be rendered useless on the account of lack of communication or won’t be able to pay to provide wider publicity to their profession.

The success stories, which till date have filled the columns of Sunday dailies uptil now, would come to a screeching halt and we will rather see, the very same columns filled with sob stories, of how a business got ruined, how industry was closed and ironically that would be read with much more keenness.

Would that satiate the concern of our touchy-lot politicians?

Would they still be happy? Like recently LG of Delhi miffed many MLAs by stripping them off their foreign tours saying that concepts for waste management are readily available on Google (I call it historic decision!), this thing caught our respective MLAs in eye, they created hue and cry just over this. I mean have you run out of causes, concerns. There are millions of hungry people dying out there without food, shelter, health facilities are all time worst, instances of death on stretcher are like regular to hospitals, me being a salary class can’t feed/help them, no matter however desperate I may be. It’s the government’s duty to ensure they get proper treatment and Honorable courts of India to regulate the norms and ensure that government does its’ part properly.

And what am I witnessing, Government as well the law makers hellbent on banning the potential platform that virtually provides bread-butter to many bourgeoisie families? Are our courts literally on the bench, have they run out of cases/concerns to look after?

My Lord, I am a Student who earns doing his part in contract/part-time jobs in Government/private organizations and freelancing through the social networks. These issues always catch me at the wrong place and by no means, through this my-fantasy, self-written letter, I want to question the integrity, veracity, rectitude and morality of the functioning of our Honorable courts which in past have given most of the historic decisions that made me a fan of law systems in India, abominate the respected parliament’s decisions and its carters.

By no means, I want to defame, offend or vilify the working of Parliament, its members, Government of India, its legislations, norms which are unparalleled and strongly planted a very strong base of functionaries.  

I have written this letter myself, not ill-advised, mulled by any political, organization, groups whatsoever. I am associated with Facebook & Google only as a social-networking and mail user and I am not their employee (I would’ve love to!).

And I plead pardon, in case the language gets harsh at times, despite my best efforts to keep it polite and to the point. My intentions aren’t to offend, mock or make fun of any Government systems mentioned in the letter whatsoever. Just that, I don’t know how to voice myself.